Saturday, 18 July 2015

Retracing My Steps...


They say that when you say something out loud your more likely to stick with it so here it goes...

This past year has been a bit of an emotional whirlwind for me; in more ways than one.  I feel like I have changed so much however I'm not so sure how much of the change has actually been good - I'm not saying that I've turned all bad and to be honest I'm really happy with a lot of the things that have changed about me however I can't help feel that there are certain aspects of myself that have disappeared and I don't know if I'm happy about it?

I'm not going to go in to huge detail about everything but here's some bullet points of the great things and the not so great things, just to give you an idea...

Great Things:
- Sticking to my guns
- Stepping out of my comfort zone and actually going to events/ parties and socialising with people I've never met before (I know this must sound ridiculous to a lot of people but for me this is a big milestone)
- Booking a holiday to Florida
- Saying 'yes' to things that worry me
- Seeing old friends
- Spending time with my family

Not so great things:
- Bitchiness
- Not telling people how I really feel
- Being too perfectionistic
- Not trusting people
- Losing people
- Being too negative
- Not making enough time for others
- Not always responding to emails or txts 
- feeling lost, like I'm not progressing and that this is it...
- I've stopped dreaming about the future
- Not being me
- Guilt

I know that a lot of that probably sounds ridiculous but it's how I feel. I can't pin point or bullet point where this change has stemmed from because I never used to feel like this. The old me would of had a much longer 'Great Things' list...

Anyway, I'm writing this because I want to retrace my steps and pickup some of the old me . The girl who knew when to say no, who got out of negative situations, who stayed away from the catty bitchiness and general crap that is just so insignificant it's positively ridiculous! I just want to laugh, make new friends, build better relationships with existing ones, stop apologising for who I am and feeling guilty all of the time. I want to go back and set out to do what I have always planned to - live in the city, sing, act, travel, have a successful YouTube channel and work really hard.

I don't want to be 80 and look back at my life and say 'what if' or 'I regret that' Sadly I know a handful of people who do feel like that and I want to avoid conforming to the feeling.

So here's my plan to get back a bit of the old me - in bullet points...

- Remove negative individuals from my internal 'I need approval from' list
- Be open with people
- Tell my friends that I appreciate them
- Put pictures up in my house of happy memories and family holiday's
- Exercise more
- Stop dwelling on the past
- Walk away from toxic situations
- Start working towards having the following - living in the city, singing, acting, travelling and enjoying my YouTube channel to the fullest.

Anyway I know this post was the biggest ramble ever and probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense to whoever decides to read it but it's made me feel better and has put positive pressure on to me to implement this change and to retrace my steps a little. 

Jade x
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3 comments

  1. i like it how honest you are in this post. Thats one of the reasons why i like your videos and post

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  2. it is so lovely how honest you are being in this post, must have really taken some confidence - i too think I need to retrace my steps a little, not that I think I have changed so much but just to set goals into being the best person you could possibly be, and like you said, to live without regrets! very inspirational post :) I really hope that you get to where you want to be x

    That Girl Rhianna | Beauty, Thoughts, Lifestyle

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  3. I think this is a really honest and genuine post! You should never feel as though you are alone because I am sure many other people including myself have all felt like this at some point in their lives! Stay positive x

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